My heart is broken But I will survive

I had a lifelong ambition and dream. The first student activity in governmental schools where students do the activity from A to Z ……..starting from choosing the activity ………on to planning ……..and ending with executing it.

Twice we held an orphans day where students did everything.

I spent 3 years trying to make it real. Then, I had to stop it for many reasons. What really struck me is that THIS changed me. Something is broken. I thought I was doing something. I believed in something. Then I had to stop.

However, I insist on fighting back and redoing it again after a while but for now I am human and I lost interest in many things. I even I got ill. I stayed in bed all Thursday and Friday when suddenly I found a notification of a new e-mail. It informed that the deadline of assignment, which I lost all hope of finishing it, was postponed. I thought I'm not an idealistic person let it go. Mistakes are human. What if I didn't do the assignment…what if has been fought by me for a long time…..I struggled as I have been the past month and got out of bed and did the worst assignment ever. No ideas came to my mind though I have been thinking of it for a week.

But I really appreciate the fact that I fought that desire to be pessimistic. I thought that whatever I wrote won't give a Zero and any number is better than zero. Then isn't that what I tell my students. It's time to tell myself. Then, I moved a further step and looked at what I'm missing. I found that the blog needs 4 new posts. I thought well tomorrow is a fine start. Then I said tomorrow sometimes never comes. I wrote the first post and then the second…..I struggled with ideas…..Then I decided to share this wierd experience…..